Why would you and your partner want to do a “Coupleship in Review”? This series of check-in questions is designed to help you invite structure, flow, intimacy, play and secure connection into the future of your relationship.
The cycle of one year ending while another begins often serves as a time of reflection, however, this exercise can be repeated periodically. It offers additional structure so you can join together in a dialogue of connection, playfulness, and mutuality that can carry you into your next year of coupleship, and beyond.
Take this chance to reminisce about your favorite moments within your couple bubble, appreciate all the little and big things that were a part of your lives in the past year, and notice the moments that created connection, lightheartedness, and wholeness in your partnership.
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what are you doing to strengthen your "coupleship bubble"?
To answer that question, you first might need to understand or remember the special place your coupleship bubble holds in your lives. Stan Tatkin, the creator of PACT, describes the couple bubble as: “a mutually constructed membrane, cocoon, or womb that holds a couple together and protects each partner from outside elements.”
The questions above are designed to help you look at some of those “implied agreements” and find a way to talk about them with transparency, rather than continuing to hold assumptions. This may help you and your partner to understand the power and potential of this couple bubble of yours.
“Playing it safe gets it done, but if you want a sense of renewal and excitement, step outside of your comfort zone. Creating meaningful connection often requires adjusting the context in which intimacy is taking place. ”
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Perhaps you completed the Coupleship Year in Review around this time last year, or the year before. Hopefully it provided you with the opportunity to reflect on your relationship, togetherness and growth both as individuals and a couple in previous years. The Space Between Counseling Services team has re-invented the review once again this year. You may notice some familiar questions, in addition to discovering new ones to ponder.
We invite you to explore these questions with curiosity, even if it means stepping outside of your comfort zone. It is our collective hope that these questions, while perhaps novel or intimidating, can help to strengthen your coupleship in the years to come.
Your Coupleship
Reflecting on this past year
If you had to describe your coupleship in 3 words, what would they be?
What new things did you discover about yourself?
What new things did you discover about your partner?
What was the best gift you received from your partner and why?
What was the hardest moment for you two?
What was your favorite place that you two visited this past year?
What 5 people did you most enjoy spending time with as a couple?
What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren or future company about?
Describe a time when you needed to depend on your partner. Did they come to your aid? How did it feel?
How did your relationship to your extended family / in-law family evolve or devolve?
Do you support your partner’s development as an individual? How? Give examples.
Do you support your partner’s desires even when you don’t agree?
In what ways does your relationship mirror the relationship of your primary caregivers when you were a child? Is this positive or negative?
If your relationship was a movie, drama, or book, what would it be titled and how would it end?
What single achievement are you most proud of as a couple? Does your partner know your feelings about this?
How did you succeed in living out your shared values as a couple?
Coupleship & Intimacy
A REFLECTION OF INTIMACY & CONNECTION
Which types of intimacy do you most like to give your partner?
{Physical / Emotional / Spiritual / Intellectual / Experiential / Conflict / Creative / Sexual}
Which types of intimacy do you most like to receive from your partner?
{Physical / Emotional / Spiritual / Intellectual / Experiential / Conflict / Creative / Sexual}
Among the 5 senses, which one is most sexual for you?
{Seeing / Hearing / Smelling / Touching / Tasting}
What's a dilemma that you carry with you into the relationship or into your sensual space?
Of the following verbs, which one are you most comfortable with, and which would you like to stretch a bit further within your relationship?
{To Ask / To Take / To Give / To Receive / To Refuse}- within the bedroom and beyond?
The Future of Your Coupleship
EMBRACING A PROACTIVE RELATIONSHIP STANCE FOR THE FUTURE
What or where do you want to see, discover, explore together?
How will you as a couple keep desire and intimacy alive in the months & years to come?
Which habits do you want to change, cultivate or get rid of – to enhance your coupleship?
What do you each need as individuals in the year to come? How will you contribute to partner’s development as an individual?
How do you want to remember this time when you look back on it 10, 20, or 50 years?
What are three things you can invest more money, time and energy into this coming year?
What are three things you can invest less money, time and energy into this coming year?
In what ways can your partner depend on you in the future?
In what ways would you like to depend on your partner in the future?
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This series if questions meant to be an exercise that reflects real life. This means that you might come up against memories of occurrences when your methods of communication failed, your intimacy seemed stunted or paused, or you experiences moments of pain, embarrassment, or betrayal. That’s okay. Unlike Hallmark movies and jewelry store commercials, real life isn’t scripted or perfect.
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“Exploring our physical, mental, and emotional depths enables us to deepen our intimacy. It’s this kind of understanding of ourselves and our partners that will help us overcome the obstacles to our desires and bring home the erotic. ”
As a team of therapists who work closely with couples, Space Between Counseling Services knows that not all the relationship moments you’ll remember together are going to be positive. In fact, we are aware that quite the opposite sometimes occurs.
Inevitably, when you talk honestly about your relationship hard topics, fears and sensitive subjects may surface or resurface. This is why we are including a few questions designed to help you really see if you two are taking the time to understand one another on a deeper, transparent, connected level. The coupleship waves will inevitably get heavy from time to time. Think of the answers you come up with now as life preservers that will be there when you might need them.
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“Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?
”
The quote above isn’t meant to cause you to lose hope. It’s there to help you see that sometimes modern coupleship feels challenging because it is challenging. But these questions are here to help you understand where you’ve been and where you’re going so you can set loving, realistic expectations together.
The Space Between Counseling Services Couple Therapist Team:
Susan Stork, LCPC, NCC
Noelle Benach, LGPC
Brittany Spencer, LGPC
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If you’ve struggled to answer some of the questions in this post and are seeking to deepen your relationship or determine how to navigate next steps, this may be an indication of the need for couples therapy. Space Between Counseling Services is comprised of numerous clinicians with a wide variety of skill sets & specialties, catered to your specific needs. Finding a couples therapist is no cake walk, but we like the make that process as smooth as possible with complimentary 25-minute phone consultations to ensure therapeutic fit. We offer online consultation scheduling to accommodate busy schedules and modern lives. Click the link below to schedule today.
Meet Our Team of Relationship Therapists
Susan Stork, LCPC, NCC is a Relationship Therapist and owner+ founder Space Between Counseling Services. Susan works with Individuals + Couples. Susan specializes in working with Type A’s, Creatives, urban professionals (Individuals + Couples), and Neurodiverse couples, where one partner has High Functioning Autism / Asperger's Syndrome (AS) / Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and the other is Neurotypical (NT; referred to elsewhere as Non-Asperger's, or Non-Spectrum).
Susan helps her clients balance schedules, families, stress, intimacy concerns and the modern challenges in modern professional life and/or in coupleship.
Utilizing Stan Tatkin’s PACT approach, Susan helps individulas and couples move through the muck of life to achieve a life of purpose and connection.
Brittany Spencer, LGPC, is an individual and couple therapist. Brittany specializes working with members of the LGBTQIA+ community, working professionals, young adults, and premarital couples.
Incorporating the Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Brittany supports couples in restructuring a foundation to develop a working relationship by improving, healthy communication, intimacy concerns, cohabitation adjustments, and dual stressors.